This post today is going to be a pretty personal one because it is about faith/religion and while exploring that, talking about my own faith can't be avoided.
First of all the inspiration for this post came from the colour blue believe it or not! I was rooting around in one of the baskets where I hold all my paints and I started admiring (as I often do) a bottle of blue paint that I really like
There is something about this shade of blue that makes me think of religion, faith, Mary, church. I'm not sure why, I mean I know that blue is the colour of faith and all but.. Well, maybe that's why then.
Anyway, that is how I came to writing this post.
So, there are hundreds of different religions and beliefs out there & most people pick one to follow (or in a lot of cases pick none). I am officially a Catholic (under the branch of Christianity) because I grew up in Ireland, my parents are Catholic and their grandparents are Catholic. I went to mass from an early age, was educated in two catholic schools, and I made my Communion and my Confirmation. However, at a certain age (I'm not really sure when but I'm going to guess around my early teens) that "faith" diminished. I stopped believing what every adult in my life had been teaching me, I stopped believing what I had for so many years taken as gospel (no pun intended). I found it hard to believe that the stories I had been told about this man Jesus were true. How could they be? They were just stories.
How could I believe these stories?
Well that is just the thing isn't it? That is what faith is all about. You may find it hard to believe these stories to be true, but if you have faith you accept. You just accept that these stories, practices, beliefs, commandments are all true and when you do, you will see tangible evidence of your religion come to life.
I have been struggling in the years since I stopped believing, I'll admit that. At first, the doubt crept in, then I see something or I hear someone say something to back up my doubts. When that happens I start to completely turn against everything that I once believed in, I won't go to mass (much to the disappointment of my Mother), I stop praying, I stop even blessing myself! This was all mainly in my teenage years.
But as the years went on, as I started to reach the end of my teens and the start of my 20s, I started to question my doubts. I felt there was something missing in my life but I wasn't sure if I could pretend to believe just for the sake of filling that hole. I was at a standstill here, what was I to do?
Well here is what I done and what I do. What I believe.
I don't know if what has been told to me is true and I must admit that all of my human brain really, really, really doesn't believe certain things to be true. By the way what I am ultimately talking about here are the stories like Jesus turning water into wine, walking on water and of course rising from the dead. However, that is just one part of me. My human brain is just a lump of grey matter that sits up there in my head (ok, I'm not a doctor I know there is a bunch of other crap that keeps it in place but I dunno what they are called) but that is not all there is to me. Surely not! I have a spirit, I have a soul. If someone took my brain out of my body and placed it on a table, would all my thoughts, ideas, traits, knowledge, memories just disappear? Would my personality disappear? I don't know the answer to this, I'm sure there are medical and scientific answers for this that would just shoot me down straight away but to be honest I don't want to know the answer because I believe that all that stuff that makes me me isn't in my brain. And so basically what I am trying to say, in the most roundabout confusing way possible, there is another part of me that wants to believe things that aren't scientifically possible or that just don't make sense to our well educated selves. Do you think that in itself is faith? Well, I think it might be.
When I started to think this way, suddenly I saw things in a completely different way. Through fresh eyes. I can see now that living the life that you think is the right way to live, helping people, caring for others, not being a cruel or deceitful person is what religion teaches us. And if you go to mass, or mosque or temple or where ever you go to worship, those are the teachings you will hear. That is what religion wants us to do, just live life well and treat others as you wish to be treated.
Another belief that I have about faith is this, and it is the last thing I will say on this subject because I am aware that I have been rambling on this subject a bit. I believe that when someone has faith and they are facing a problem or are going through a difficult time and they decide to pray. When they pray and ask for whatever they are looking for be it strength, hope, courage, happiness, peace, whatever it is, and they receive a sense of relief from praying for this, that in itself is their God at work.
In Christianity they say that the Holy Spirit is in us and is always with us - that is truly something to think about.
And p.s. I now bless myself again. Especially when an ambulance goes screeching by
Well I hope this was an interesting post for you, regardless of whether you are interested in religion or not. I tried to approach this post from a completely personal experience point of view so as not to give the impression of force feeding anyone, I think I was successful in doing that. I hope I was anyway.
Feel free to leave me a comment or email on this or any other topic
Have a beautiful + creative day
Ciara
xoxo
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