Life. It happens.......

Hey everyone.
I know I have been MIA for the last while. And I decided to just be completely honest with you all about what has been going on instead of creating some cheery happy post as if nothing is up. You are all human and you know how s**t life can be sometimes so maybe you can actually give me a little support and encouragement with this, who knows.

So, I already shared about how I am having this problem with my ears (blocked Eustachian tubes). I still have it and we are in week 3 now. I'm trying to relieve myself of it, I've used all sorts to try and get rid of it but no luck so far. The doctor just prescribed me with this nasal spray today so I'm hoping that might help a bit. So with that going on it has been hard enough to feel like creating and posting here but then on Tuesday I had some really sad news. My 13 year old family pet dog, Pepsi, had to be put to sleep as she was very sick with liver cancer. Because I am here in the UK and my home town is in Ireland, I didn't even get to say goodbye to her. It was a decision that had to be made fairly quickly too because the cancer seemed to make her very sick, very quickly. Last Thursday my Mam noticed she wasn't herself and was jaundice so she took her to the vet who did a scan and told her the bad news and then literally over the weekend her health declined and then had to be put to sleep on Tuesday. That is how quick it happened. So, so sad.

What I am so surprised about is how I am feeling about the whole thing. I always knew that when the time came for one of our pets to go (we have another dog and cat also) that it would be very sad obviously but I never expected this wave of sheer sadness that has gotten me right in my gut. I cried for the whole of Tuesday evening and night and a lot of Wednesday too. Every time I think about her I get a feeling like my heart is breaking, a massive lump develops in my throat and it's all I can do not to burst into tears all over again. I never expected to be in mourning! I feel like I have lost a sister.
So, I'm sure you can all understand why I haven't been posting on here for the last while. Things are just getting on top of me a little and I feel utterly deflated. I was going to try to just get back to posting like normal over the weekend but then I decided that it was important for me to share with my readers the bad times as well as the good. That is the type of blog I want to have, I want you all to have an insight into my real life and not the life I pick and choose for you to see. I also wanted to create some kind of little tribute to Pepsi aswell.

Pepsi was such a wonderful lady. She was half a Jack Russell and half a Beagle and so her colouring was really very beautiful. Black, white and an array of tans, reds and browns. If you spent any time inspecting her face you would notice how symmetrical her markings were. It was amazing really, it was as if someone had hand painted her!
We rescued Pepsi from a dog pound in Gorey ( a town about 45 minutes away from ours) when she was just a puppy. She was the cutest puppy I had ever seen but silly you if you were to be fooled by her angelic face because Pepsi was as tough as boots from the get-go. Even as a sweet baby puppy. No one messed with this girl! She was well able to defend her ground and if she wasn't happy with something she had her own way of making sure you knew it. But her heart was made of gold and she was a caring, loving and gentle soul deep down. Often she would get up from her mat and potter over to where ever I was sitting and just plonk her bum down in front of me resting one of her paws on my foot. She would look up at you with squinted eyes and I swear, in those moments, if she could talk she would say "I love you person. I am proud of you person. I am so happy to be your pet." And we were proud that you were our pet too Pepsi but truth be told, you were more than our pet, you were our family. I would give anything to hear your nails on the wood floor again as you pottered from one room to the next sniffing around, hoovering up random crumbs. I'd give anything to watch you painstakingly bite and clean your toes or watch with mild disgust as you dug in your ear with your back paw and then ate whatever you pulled out of it. I would give anything to hear you barking at the birds, saying "Get out of my garden, this is my patch. My lady-master is trying to hang out the clothes here. Get lost and stop eating mydog food!"
I would give anything to see you glaring up at me with those beautiful eyes of yours. I wish I had paid more attention to you then, I wish I had of petted you more and not pushed you away so much. I wish I hadn't of been so concerned about getting dog hair on my new dress or ripping a ladder in my tights from your nails. It all seems so trivial now. If only I had of realised how much it would hurt when you were gone maybe I would have given you more attention. Maybe I would have spent more time petting you and kissing your head and telling you that you are a "good dog". I'm sorry I neglected you so much at times and took you for granted, I just thought you would be around forever. I never imagined a life without you in it. You were around all through my teenage years, through school, college, jobs and everything in between. You watched me grow up, come and go and grow and change. But you always stayed the same. You watched me make new friends and even when I had less time for you, ignored you or pushed you out of the way you always came back to me. You never seemed to mind. If only more humans had this trait. Loyalty.
I love you and I miss you Pepsi. I hope wherever you are now you have plenty of space to run and play and that there are no birds to annoy you! Good girl Pepsi, good girl xxx

Ciara xxxx